Saturday, November 18, 2017

There are so many things I haven't told you



It's a long time since I've written, with good reason: we've moved house, and I've been bewildered by the entire experience for months.

I have missed writing here, and the trail of photographs I leave to mark the way: an oak tree stirring the clouds, the whispering of light-dappled paths, an ocean of air dissolving the edges of myself.

How rusty I am. Now that I sit down to it, I feel self-conscious. What is my persona supposed to be? I'm "me," but a certain version of me. I may not remember exactly who that is.

I do know this is not a journal, detailing all my innermost thoughts (ie, complaints).

It's not a diary of what I did every day, or most days, or, recently, any days—and certainly not a list of my goals, which remain a mystery even to me.

It's a life out of context, mostly. And that, I rather regret, though I don't see a way to mend it.

This isn't art, but it's not reality, either. It's more like an unreliable performance from an unreliable narrator communicating partially digested thoughts for no clear purpose, other than to remember that I have a voice and to use it.

The photographs are less fraught, because I don't have to explain or present them. There is no explicit "I" in them. In some ways they are artifacts, markers, signifiers, maps. But really I mostly skip all that and think of them as the actual places they portray, not mine but mine. 

I took the photo on the Dingle Peninsula. My husband and I traveled to Ireland and London last year, which seems long ago in both world and life events.

One more of the countless things I haven't told you, and you haven't told me.

6 comments:

  1. Lovely to hear from you, whatever you choose to tell. I think blogging is an art form all its own. :-)

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    1. Thank you, sarah. I am glad you share your beautiful words with us on a regular basis. xo

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  2. So lovely to hear from you - an inspiration to start my own ramblings!

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    1. Thank you, please do, I love to read ramblings.

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  3. "It's a life out of context, mostly. And that, I rather regret, though I don't see a way to mend it." I can identify with this.

    I hope your move went smoothly and you are settling into your new home.

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